Write your age in the sand
Watch it wash away, happy birthday
Grim reminders of secrets told
Swept away before unhappy D-day – Kinky Robot
It has been ages since I last blogged.
A few months JW lost everything and moved in with his sister. She will only allow him to stay with her if he doesn’t drink. Once again the halcyon days started. I even began to look forward to the supervised visits where he saw Jesse. Over time our social lives began merging again, not surprising as we both enjoy the same thing and share a large group of friends.
Last month I had a devastating cancer scare. I didn’t want anyone to know and so roped JW into the cover up (you are not allowed to drive yourself after an operation). He was an absolute rock of support.
JW has also managed to get himself a good job as a project manager with a large construction company where he is doing very well. He was even talking about providing some financial support to cover Jesse’s schooling.
On Saturdays I go to the local food market. It is a wonderful space where I meet up with a lot of interesting, single 40 something year old people who I knew 20 years ago. We sit at long tables in the sun and sample delicious foods and drink amazing wines.
Unfortunately JW also discovered the market and started coming around. I didn’t mind too much because he was back to his old self, but it did rather cramp my style. Because we were getting on so well, he wants to try again, so despite that fact that he has no interest in food, attends the market to try and engage with me around my interests. I have decided that I do not want to go back there, but would like to make the best of a bad situation and retain the friendship.
Last Saturday I was there again, sitting with fabulous friends. We were drinking wine when I suddenly felt that light headed. I didn’t want to drive with Jesse in the car with me. JW was sober so I left Jesse with him and went home to lie down. When I got back, JW had completely fallen off the wagon and was raging drunk. He would not let me take Jesse home. The market had finished and I was left negotiating with this drunk alone in the car park.
He became verbally abusive and then suddenly JW started hitting me. He knocked me to the ground several times and beat me around my head with his shoe. I managed to get away when Jesse threw his little 7 year old body on top of me to protect me.
I am so sad because I know now that there is nothing to salvage, not even what could have been a great friendship. I have curtailed my social life and will no longer be going to the market. Jesse will only see his father over coffee for an hour a week instead of through a lazy Sunday afternoon. Chances are also good that I will no longer be able to maintain my friendships with his family.
I am not angry, just devastatingly miserable at choices not available to me, no matter how hard I try. He has never hit me before, but now that mark has been overstepped. It’s time to lock that door on my past and devise a completely new future for Jesse and I.
Tags: Abuse, Alcohol, Alcoholic ex husband, Alcoholic Husband Abuse, divorce, Drunk, Jelly Tottot, Jellytottot, Physical abuse, survivor, Wine
